Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
