So drunk, too bad you don't want this
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
