I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
