that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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