ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
