Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
