no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it's like iHOP with fire
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
