can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
