I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
