Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
