Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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