Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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