Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
