I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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