I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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