my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
