I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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