I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
