ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
