i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
