East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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