The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
