My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
