Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
