And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
