i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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