Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Michael Bay diarrhea
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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