just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
