I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Randomize
