This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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