he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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