oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
