why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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