Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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