all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
