Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
