I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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