You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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