she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
