He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
