On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
