Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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