i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
