It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
