he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
