can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
