I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
