Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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