We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
