I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
