at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
