...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
