so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The uberlube is also flammable
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
