I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize