he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
