Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
