where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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