his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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