he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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