Barsexuality is the new black.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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