No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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