Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
