They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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