lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize