That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
