He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
