No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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